Tag Archives: love

Valentine’s Day (& other personal hells)

Oh Valentine’s Day. Lovely, lovely Valentine’s Day. I love love, and I love the idea of a day celebrating love. Therefore, I must love Valentine’s Day. Do I sound convinced yet?

This year’s Valentine’s Day was all planned out, I bought a gift for Mr. L and a gift for my manfriend. I had dinner all planned out. I had it alllllll planned out. I even wore pink and red and everything! I should know better than to ever make plans. They usually blow up in my face.

My downhill spiral started on Wednesday Valentine’s Eve. My house was a di-sas-ter. All caps. DISASTER. As it is most Wednesdays. {side note: I work late on Monday and Tuesday, so basically I do nothing when I come home – oh, except make dinner and give my child a bath and play cars and read 50 books before putting him to bed}

I had laundry everywhere, all rooms needed swept, bathroom needed wiped down, etc. So anyhow, my usual course of action is to do it all on Wednesday. After all, it is hump day and I feel motivated because only two. more. days. until Friday! HOLLA!
Not this week. I took it upon myself to make dinner, play with Mr. L, and then after putting him to bed – I plopped my big ol’ booty down and vegged out on Pretty Little Liars. Then I went to bed.

I swear, that manfriend and I watched movies until 3 a.m. one night this past weekend and I am still paying for it! No more late night movie nights. Never again. Long gone are the days when I could stay up all night and actually function the next day.

So by not cleaning my house on Wednesday, I was stressed as soon as I woke up on Valentine’s Day. Which, for me, pretty much means Valentine’s Day doom.

By mid-day, I seriously considered cancelling the whole thing. Seriously. I was going to call Cupid and tell him just where to stick his frickin’ arrows. Then I got off work early and I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe I could still pull it off. I picked up my little man, and Mr. L and I headed to a sweet little party put on by my great friend Heather. I was a bit worried, because I had to wake Mr. L up from his nap (the kid loves his naps) and he wasn’t in the best mood.

This is where I’m supposed to tell you what a wonderful time we had and how perfect my child is, and how well he plays with other kids. Except my child is nuts, and should only be allowed to play with other crazy children and wolves. I don’t know why I beat myself up – he’s a boy – he’s very active – he’s normal? I don’t know, but here I am – scolding my child to stop running, and stop jumping, and stop sticking his dirty fingers into the cupcakes, and to stop growling at these three perfectly behaved little girls – while their equally perfect moms most likely sat there silently thinking about what a crazy, bad mother I am. They were all super nice about it, but sometimes – whether it’s correct or just a feeling I have about myself – I feel like Mr. L and I just don’t fit in. Lately, I just feel like I don’t want to take my child anywhere because he doesn’t listen to me. Period.

Anyhow, I’m done having a pity party for myself. I am just putting this all out there because one day, some day (please, God, let it be soon) this behavior will stop. And I’m gonna miss this. So I’m gonna want to look back and read all about it. Right? Somebody tell me I’m right 🙂

I read constantly about other mothers with children like this. Some say it’s gets better. I try to do everything in my power to get him to listen to me. If you looked in my internet history, the amount of times I have Googled “how to raise a strong-willed child” would probably frighten you. I’m just scared that it’s never going to get better – that it will just keep getting worse and eventually, what if I stop caring? What if I just become one of those mothers who lets their child do and act however they want?

Maybe I’m just blowing it all out of proportion because my worst fear has always been to have one of “those children” you see acting a fool in public. Crying, screaming fits in public haunt me. Having my child scream the word “no” at me in public is horrifying. Maybe the problem isn’t him. Maybe the problem is me. Maybe I need to stop trying to change him, and just let him be who he is. A wild, active little boy who wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. A boy who likes to growl at other people.

Anyhow, back to Valentine’s Day. So we left the Valentine’s Day party. I cried on the way home because I feel like I’m failing. I feel like I’m failing as a mom. That’s a pretty big deal to me.

After we got home, my mom came over with Mr. L’s valentine. She ended up helping me straighten up my house (not as bad as what I thought it was) and I made the dinner I had planned. Pan-seared ribeye, shrimp scampi with pasta, stuffed crimini mushrooms, chocolate covered strawberries. It turned out delicious. Mr. L stood in his doorway and watched us eat even though he was supposed to be in bed. Not a total win, but I’m still calling it a win. I even impressed myself.
Maybe I’m not failing after all.

My lover’s gift to me? Well, that’s a whole other post. Let’s not go there right now. Let me just end this while thinking about my delicious dinner.

I hope you all had a perfect v-day.
Even though mine kind of bombed, I still love love and I’m still going to give it my all next year 🙂

xo, Jess.

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How do YOU fight it out?

Okay, so many of you know me – and maybe we’re friends in real life, or maybe we’re just Facebook buds because we like to “stalk” eachother. Face it, if we’re friends on Facebook and we’ve never really talked in real life, I am probably “stalking” you. I digress… as I said, many of you know me, but maybe a few you don’t know me at all.

Let me take a moment to introduce myself.
I am Jessica and I am an over-sharer. Did you know that I am an over-sharer? Well I am, 🙂 but you mustn’t tell anyone else.

In real life, I have a handful of close friends. They are awesome and we all like to talk. Sometimes we talk about things (possibly in public) that most people would cover their ears overhearing. My sheshallremainnameless co-worker and I have probably over-shared way too much about ourselves in the past almost-two-years. Sorry blog readers, I won’t divulge all the good stuff yet.

Anyhow – back to the question – today I want you to share something with me. Yes, I have a question for YOU. I want to know how you fight with your boyfriend husband wife girlfriend friend-with-benefits other half significant other? And how often?

Are you constantly arguing? Never arguing? Do you fight quietly after the kids have gone to bed, or is it a public battle? Do you throw things at them? 🙂 Or maybe you’re better quieter than me and you know how to just keep your mouth shut?

If you’re friends with me on Facebook, I know I can be somewhat cryptic. I know I have been somewhat cryptic lately because my relationship has been a little … strained. I don’t like to come right out and talk about my personal relationship, therefore, everyone I talk about in this blog must remain nameless. So yeah… things have been a little strained the past few days and we haven’t come right out and argued about it yet. Maybe we never will. Usually the arguing over here consists of a bunch of some yelling, some ignoring, some apologizing and then it’s over. It’s usually over dumb, petty things and sometimes the argument actually makes things even better than they were to begin with. Maybe most of our arguments are healthy? HAHA!

This time – wayyyy different. It’s been a lot of passive-aggressive comments (and let me tell you, I am the queen of passive-aggressive) and lots of saying, “okay then.” It’s not as heated and it’s lasting a lot longer, and it’s driving me nuts. It’s to the point where I don’t even know what we’re arguing about. Does that happen to anyone else? Usually when I’ve done something wrong, which is never hardly ever, I like to hold out on apologizing until I can’t remember what I did wrong, and then I just give him one of those “general apologies.” One of those, “I’m sorry I’m such a bitch grouch this week,” apologies. Yeah, you know the one. Maybe I should have put “learn how to give a good apology” on my resolution list.

Anyway, I think it’s because there has been a lot going on lately (see ya next year, holidays!) and we haven’t had as much time together. It’s weird, but we fight more when we’re apart. I can’t figure out if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but if we fight less when we’re together than I’d vote that it’s a good thing. We usually only fight when we’re together if he’s been in the bathroom longer than 20 minutes or if he refuses to let me change the channel when he’s been glued to his iPad for the past half hour. You don’t get both the TV and the iPad, buddy.

Fingers are crossed that everything will be back to the normal by next week. What can I say, I’m a sucker for routine.

Oh my goodness, I’m doing too much over-sharing. Sorry for spilling my “I just admitted I don’t have the perfect relationship” post on ya! I will have to watch what I share from now on. Before I scare everyone my manfriend away.

So there’s my question to you … how do you guys argue? Am I the only weird one who forgets what they’re fighting about by the time they apologize? Please – anyone – tell me I’m normal.

xo, Jess.

{moment of honesty} I let my toddler play on the iPad while I wrote this post. If you’re judging me right now, I have a slightly smaller (down 4 lbs in 2 days!) booty that you can kiss.

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