I’m fat. Day 1.

Oh, the hell. The hell of trying to get thin. Why do I do this to myself? I love food and food obviously loves me, so why do I even bother trying to lose weight?

Oh yeah, my best friend is getting married in 7 months and I am NOT going to be “that fat
maid-of-honor.” I have been a fat bridesmaid for too many years. I also want to be a healthy example for my child, and prove to myself that I CAN DO THIS, but more importantly –
I want to look good in that dress! I also want to look good naked.
I’m serious, this is it. This is the absolute last year of me being fat.

This isn’t an easy post, or topic, for me – I can probably count the number of times I have called myself fat. I prefer bootylicious, or juicy, or even big-boned. Fat is such an ugly word. I cringe when I hear it – even when someone is describing another person. Society tells us that fat = lazy, ugly, worthless – and honestly, that’s how I feel lately.

Today that all ends. I am going to take a big ol’ leap into the pool of honesty and just put it all out there. It all started this morning – fruit, veggies, lean meats, WATER. NO MORE JUNK. Luckily, I haven’t quit yet and miraculously, I don’t feel too bad for the first day. I was worried I might experience signs of withdrawal by not eating any chocolate today.

Height – 5’9
Healthy Weight – 135 to 169 lbs.

I am aiming for a goal weight of about 150, which to be honest is about 50 lbs. It makes my stomach hurt to tell you all my weight, but maybe… just maybe… this blog will help me hold myself somewhat accountable. I would be happy if I lost 30 lbs and kept it off.

If I’d have continued my weight loss/lifestyle change last year, I am confident I’d be at goal weight right now. I was about half way there, and I felt great. I fell off the weight-loss wagon because I, like alot of people, can’t stop eating cookies eat when I’m bored. I don’t think it’s emotional – I have actually been mostly happy this past year. And I can’t really blame my parents because no one in my immediate family has a weight problem. Jerks. So I’m blaming it on my relationship my lack of control. It’s so easy to lose control when you work all the time, come home tired, then have to do chores and try to raise a child. It also doesn’t help when you have a boyfriend that can eat Big Macs daily and not gain a pound.

So, I am going to make a conscious effort this year (THE WHOLE YEAR, Jessica!) to meal plan, and be more organized when it comes to food. I’m sick of losing weight and gaining it back. I now own pants in like 3 different sizes. This time I am losing it and throwing my “fat pants” away!
Which will be sad because there are some really cute pants in that stack.

Anyhow – congrats if you read this entire post.
I know most of you are skinny and are uninterested in this kind of stuff 🙂
Won’t you all join me as I venture out (and possibly fail) on this weight loss journey?

I have not shown ANYONE this photo (not even you, mom) because I think it’s just awful. So anyhow, here’s my starting point. I can only go down (in weight) from here. I refuse to go up.

xo, Jess.

{moment of honesty} I ate some Doritos, Lindt truffles, and pizza last night for my last meal.
And I am laughing hysterically right now because deep down I know I should have just kept this entire post to myself.

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10 thoughts on “I’m fat. Day 1.

  1. The only thing awful about that photo is your witch shoes! 🙂 love K

    • Debbie says:

      Your right on the shoes Kristy. LOL Don’t be too hard on yourself Jess, try not to concentrate on losing weight for the Wedding but focus on losing weight for yourself. One step and One day at a time kiddo!!

  2. Kharen says:

    Losing weight is a bitch! Excuse my french lol I know you think im skinny blah blah but I also struggle with weight. I currently own four different sizes of pants…a million workout dvds that im saving for when I actually get serious…my goal is to try to not add a size to the pile….unless it is size smaller. Actually scratch that! I just want to stay at a normal weight n mantain it for once … Skinny is overrated!!!! Love uuuu

  3. Emily says:

    Bravo to you my dear! I’m in the same boat as you. I’m already on my way to lose weight- actually a lot more than 50 lbs. It is SO scary putting your weight out for everyone to see, but having a blog will also create a huge sense of accountability that has helped me be successful. I wish you the best of luck with your journey. Don’t be discouraged if it slows a bit after the first few weeks. For me it came off very quickly at first, and has now slowed. Just have to keep chugging along! 🙂

  4. tara says:

    I loooove your honesty!!! Reading this was like I wrote it myself! Great inspiration!

  5. I ain’t skinny! You can do this! I’m here for moral support. Congratulations on at least deciding to do this.

    It’s hard. You’re going to hate it. Then you’re going to love it. As cliche as it sounds you have to stick to it. If not now then when?

    The quote that I always tell everyone when they’re trying to lose weight, and the one that got me to ACTUALLY lose weight is: “Your future self isn’t any less likely to stop procrastinating than your present self. Stop trusting the future. Do it now.”

  6. Kelly says:

    I have loved reading your blogs so far. I am definately struggling with weight issues also. What makes me so angry with myself is that in the spring of 2011 I was only TEN pounds away from my “goal” weight. With some depression and other things going on over the last couple years I am now THIRTY pounds from that same goal weight. BLAH. 😦

  7. barb says:

    i think the picture looks great, dont be to hard on yourself, you are a very pretty girl. just take it one day at a time, i to have to lose weight, i have the pants ( i think now in 4 sizes) lol. so i really rooting for you, good luck

  8. ejsimpsonnz says:

    I think it is amazing that you are embarking on such a journey. I did the simular thing- with brutal honesty to myself and achieved weight loss. I love your goal setting also :). Congratulations and good luck!!

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